To Ever Sing for Joy: February 2011

About two years ago I started looking for a new dream. Or perhaps I was looking for a dream in general. I found myself once again at the beginning. That dreaded stage that every high school graduate, college bound young adult, and college graduate goes through more times than they care for… the dreaded “now what” stage. I had my degree and even a year of teaching overseas under my belt, but this couldn’t be it. I knew that I wanted more. The word “career” scares me and the “American Dream” is more like a nightmare in my eyes. I wanted something bigger.

I found myself at the “now what” stage of my life for at least the eighth time. I was in a coffee shop in Korea. It was “my” shop that I went to almost daily. I was reading my bible and praying “now what”. Should I re-sign for another year in Korea, or go back to school? The reason for a sixth year of schooling… a road toward missions. So lets rewind to the steps that led to this dream...

My Junior year of college we had a visit from the traveling team. They go around speaking to different University groups talking of the need for missions to the least reached. At that time Asia was put on my heart. I just found my journal entry from that day, April 13, 2005.

“My heart has really been opened up to missions… especially becoming a missionary. Whoa! That’s scary. The traveling team came and talked about the 10-40 window and being a world Christian. I get excited when I think of all of the possibilities. Seriously! It’s crazy how things could potentially fall into place.

At first I was thinking… ‘but I thought God was calling me into teaching’. And truth is that He was. This path opened up the next door into ESL and all of the possibilities. Much of the work on the mission field revolves around teaching. So that is exactly where God wants me.

Lord, please continue to reveal yourself to me. I have no idea what my future holds, but I give it all up to you. Help me to not hold onto anything and not look back. I trust fully in you. Create in me a clean heart and a steadfast spirit.”

A little later at a Campus Crusade for Christ Christmas conference they gave a call to missions. The idea is that young adults, especially college students, change the world. If 100 or 200 college students would dedicate just one year of their lives to overseas missions imagine the effect! So, I signed the card- fully intending to one day make good on that commitment to one year of overseas missions. December 2005 journal entry:

“Giving of myself to overseas missions. I’m scared… I’m terrified! But I’m willing and excited!

I have vowed to give at least a year of my life to full time service for God and the Kingdom. And I will fulfill it”

I had no plan of when this commitment would take effect. I still had to finish college, and then pay off debts. But don’t get me wrong, I was very serious about this decision. I just wasn’t sure when it would be fulfilled.

So- fast forward to my graduation (2007). I decided to teach overseas. Many people were confused because I was going to South Korea, Asia, that perhaps this was a missions type thing. Often I got the pat on the back and the “good for you, I just think what you are doing is great”. Most of the time I set them straight; “Sorry to disappoint you but this is just a nice paying job. Korea is possibly a more Christian nation than the US.” I was going because the money was good and I was too lazy to do all the paperwork and jump through the hoops of trying to find a job in Wisconsin.

Now, fast forward again, back to the coffee shop in Korea, my coffee shop. I was again utterly confused on where my life should go or even what I wanted. I had a nice job. I was able to pay off at least half of my debts- one more year would put me in the black. But I was at a point of decision. I had to make my decision and make it fast. If I was staying another year the contract needed to be signed and if I was going to school, I had to figure out where and how much it would cost.

I come now to a moment in my life that I really feel the Lord spoke clearly to me. I wish that this happened everyday or at least for every big decision! But alas, this was the clearest I’d ever heard from God. It was one of those, “I’m going to open my bible and just start reading… speak to me through this,” moments. I don’t suggest this as your only way of reading the bible, but in this moment it worked. For where my eyes landed was Ecclesiastes 5:4, “When you make a vow to God, do not delay to fulfill it. He has no pleasure in fools; fulfill your vow.” And that was all I needed to know that I should pursue missions.

I wasn’t yet ready to just pack up and head to some God-forsaken land in hopes to bring them Good News. I had never been educated in a Christian school. I had my church and camp experiences since I was three, and a two week training at Summit Ministries, but I really felt that I needed something more if I was honestly going to pursue this path. So, I Googled “Best Missions Colleges” and along with an option in England I found Bethany College of Missions.

The greatest appeal of BCOM for me was that they had a one year program, it was close to home (in MN), close to where my sister was going to school (one hour) and they offered a 16 month overseas internship. Perfect! Badda-bing, badda-boom… I could get my training and my commitment finished in one quick sweep and pick up another degree to boot! This looked like the best option, so after completing my year in Korea I headed home for a few months, took a quick trip to Europe for the Christmas season and then packed up for a year in Minnesota.

I won’t go into full detail at this time, but lets just say that BCOM was EXTREMELY challenging. I was living in the dorms at a very small very strict school at age 25 and it wasn’t really the life style that I longed for. Plus, I was very stressed out about money because the Korean Won value had dropped significantly since my return- and all of my money was in Won! As time went on I continually questioned this decision to attend BCOM and even more questioned whether or not the internship would be a good fit for me. I came to a conclusion that it was NOT and so once again I found myself in the “now what” phase.

So I again turned to God, begging and pleading for some kind of help. A door, a window, an answer… anything to point me in the right direction! Once more I turned to a time of asking and seeking and knocking. This time I put aside an entire week of fasting and praying and asking God… “now what”. God was so faithful to answer once again! In this week that I put aside for seeking, God answered with multiple pushes in the direction I should go. Here is an email conversation I had with my mom during that week.

July 7,2009

Hey mom-

I just want to let you know what’s going on in my head.

The likeliness of going back to Korea is looking better. For a couple of reasons.
1) I need to get rid of my debt. I don't have much and a year would definitely finally put me ahead I think.
2) My heart is being drawn more to Korea. Part of that came from visiting CareyAnn and then watching this Korea drama. I miss Korea a little bit.
3) I thought this morning that I would really like to go somewhere that I already have some friends... I'm sick of always going to new places and having to start completely from scratch.
4) I have job security
5) I don't need to raise support for it.
6) As I was praying about it pretty much all day yesterday, a girl came up to me and said that she had been praying about going to Korea and wanted someone to go with... so was I considering ever going back? I don't know the actual likeliness of her going but it kind of shocked me (I had no idea that is what she wanted to talk to me about!) And I literally was thinking about it all day long. I don't want to necessarily call this confirmation from God... but it was a big push in that direction.

I'm sure there are more reasons... so anyway, just please be in prayer for me. And you can let me know what you think, or if God gives you any insight on the matter.

Love you lots! I hope that you had a good day and aren't too tired.
Your daughter,

Heidi

(from mom- July 8)

A good word from good old Eli, "Speak Lord for your servant is listening." Enjoy listening today! And keep listening until you know you've heard. Look for a confirmation in His Word.

July 8,2009

lol- what would a confirmation in His word look like in this case?

I have had 8 instances this week of things encouraging me towards Korea. I am just waiting for one more :-) I'll let you know.

Heidi

MOM- July 9

That's cute. You've had 8 and are waiting for just 1 more. Our God is a patient God and I'm told He has a sense of humor. He would have to with us dumb sheep.

I seem to like lists... so I'll let you know the things that have encouraged me that going back to Korea is the direction I should go.

1)It started with visiting CareyAnn and remembering the good times I had, started thinking about Korea more and missing it a little bit.

2) Watching the Korean drama increased my longing to go back

3) One of the girls came to talk to me on Monday about going back to Korea... asked if I would ever consider going back.

4) My friend Via emailed me with two contacts (randomly) of people- one in Korea, one going to Korea- wanting to get us all connected.

5)Aimee randomly emailed me telling me she was reminiscing of Korea

6) This was the biggest encouragement... the speaker in chapel today is living in NE China and works delivering relief to North Koreans. His wife is Korean and he lived in Korea for a while to learn the language so that someday if He gets into Korea, he will really be able to minister to them. I can see this as a possibility for my life in the future.

I was reminded of my dream- and my friend Via gave me some good insight on it. She said that sometimes when she has had dreams where a parental role is involved it is connected to a leadership role in a ministry. My dream was taking in 4 children from China. Then at the end of my dream I was climbing over the fence from China to what was Korea in my mind... but it didn't make sense because I thought it was South Korea (completely negating of North Korea-geographically impossible)- but now my heart has been turned on a little more to North Korea. I do believe that something big will happen in the next 5 years. I don't know what that big thing is, but either way -the Lord Reigns!

So it was a week in July that I was encouraged in this direction… but we should rewind a little bit to the dream that I talked about. It was a couple of weeks before on June 30^th , 2009 that I had a dream. Now, I dream every now and then and remember the weird scenarios or crazy situations, but this dream was different. It was a case where the dream had nothing to do with anything that I had been reading or talking about- it was completely random. It was also different in the sense that I remember all of it when I woke up. I remembered all of the crazy details and so I wrote it down. Why not… if anything maybe it would be entertaining in the future. So- to clue you in… here it is:

I had a dream last night that we (my family) were adopting 4 children from China. Most of the dream took place in America (West Bend) but in the end I was back in China.

There were four children and we had to go pick them up from the embassy, or the queen’s house or something. We went to hang out a bit first. Then I gave them snacks that I had found in my dad’s shed. Looking around there were 4 different kinds of popsicles and then Famous Amos Cookies.

The oldest child was a girl and it was her birthday, she was 9. I gave her some cookies to share. My mom and sister arrived. Then we were at a festival of sorts. It reminded me of Mardi Gras. We saw my dad there on a balcony. Then the children had to go to some office to get analyzed, talk about their experience and draw pictures. I planned to meet my mom and sis at home. I started walking. On the way I called my friend Jessica, but lost the signal in the woods. Actually, I couldn’t remember the way to get home (or at least the shortest way) so I stopped by the Fechter’s home. They were having a large gathering with a lot of people around the table. They thought that I showed up to be fed, but I only wanted directions. Then Jessica showed up an offered to drive me home. We went on this long crazy path through the woods that started out really grey and dull, almost like a winter scene with a light dusting of snow, but as we got further the trees that had been along the path began to get further away and it turned very green, almost like a golf course. We arrived at my mom’s house and my mom and sister and the children were already there, choosing rooms.

After that somehow I ended up back in China, on the Great Wall in fact. I was meeting with the oldest child we had adopted and she was showing me the picture that she drew. She gave me some pocky cookie sticks. I had to go across the border (into maybe Korea?) I had just climbed over the fence and a little later the guard came but it just looked like we were visiting through the fence so everything was ok. Then we parted ways and the dream was over.

I really paid little attention to this dream at first, but as time went on and other things started to point me back toward Asia, I took further notice of my dream. As time has continued this dream has become a large part of MY DREAM. I do not know exactly how this dream will progress, but here is the skeletal plan.

February 9, 2011-

I receive an email congratulating me on a job offer for a position in CheongJu, Korea. This is the city that I used to live in and the job that I really wanted. It is a fantastic job that I am not technically qualified for but Thank God that I received (albeit a little late). For the last week and a half I have been busting my butt to get paperwork together. I have spent more money on shipping and expediting than I would care to mention. The job is at a University teaching English to College students. The contract is for 15 teaching hours a week any teaching time over that will be paid at $20 an hour. I have at least 8 weeks of paid vacation and a studio apartment paid for. What I am most excited about is the vacation time though. I would not be able to accept a job in Korea at this time if I did not have the time to come home and visit. I have very much treasured my time at home with my family and have grown to love them more and more! I am so thankful that I had this year to live at home (yep- living with my dad at age 27) and just hang out and enjoy their company! I have to say that I will miss it dearly.

Oh wait- to continue in the skeletal plan… I’m hoping to teach at this University for 2 years while learning Korean. The Korean language is not an easy one to pick up! I can read it so far, but other than survival foods and directions, I can’t communicate in this language yet.

After, hopefully, learning Korean I plan to move somewhere else in Asia to finally fulfill my vow to the Lord! After 2 years of working and learning Korean I want to finally get out into the “mission field” and work with North Korean refugees. We will see how the Lord directs me in this. He has given me a heart that loves Justice. I want to see the people of North Korea liberated. Like I said in my email… I believe that there will be big changes in the next five years, and I hope to be a part of it!

So that… is the beginning of the dream. I am so thankful that I have found a passion and a dream and that I am not ignoring it but going full speed ahead! I pray that God will continue to guide me, that I will have no part in greed or selfishness and that I will in fact have a role in very big things in the future. If you made it to the end- thanks for reading! I can’t wait to add another chapter!

To Ever Sing for Joy

Sunday, February 27, 2011

I will surely miss this... all!

Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Great things

Sunday, February 20, 2011

A few steps into the dream...

(from mom- July 8)

A good word from good old Eli, "Speak Lord for your servant is listening." Enjoy listening today! And keep listening until you know you've heard. Look for a confirmation in His Word.

Update coming soon!

Followers