I moved to Korea with the intention of helping North Korean defectors. So far I've only been able to tutor a few university students once a week. I'm glad I can provide a free service that will help them in their future but at times it seems kind of lame and ineffective. Meeting only once a week with many weeks being skipped doesn't allow even for much of a friendship.
So, I continue to ask myself what next?
What is this next step in the journey? Where is God leading my life- but more importantly my heart?
I've signed up to teach/help at an English unification camp which is set up for younger students from North Korea but will also include South Korean and American students. The goal is to educate, encourage friendships and also preach the gospel. This camp is created by a school here in seoul that is for North Korean students. I would love to work at a school like this! But then I heard that the teachers are with the students 24 hours a day- probably 6 or 7 days a week! And suddenly... My selfishness reared its ugly head. Wait- you mean I'd have to give up my fun weekends? You mean I'd have to always be 'good'? You mean I'd have to actually spend ALL my time serving? I'm not sure if I'm ready for this kind of commitment. Granted I have no idea what the position would actually look like- but it's important enough to know that my heart isn't fully in it at the moment. (Though I want it to be!)
Indeed, with time I've lost some of my passion. Normal everyday life is draining. Being surrounded by people who are incredibly selfish and conceited makes you feel like you have more rights and needs than you really do.
So on to my next set of thoughts-
I wanted to be a missionary. I want to be a missionary? I wrote a paper in missions college about what a missionary is. I remember the basis of the paper said that you should go to another culture to be a missionary and working in your own culture is ministry not missions. Ok- so I'm in another culture- so am I a missionary?
I never considered missions to South Korea because it is generally a Christian influenced nation. However the more I am in this culture the more I see their need for Christ! I'm sad that most people probably think like I used to. South Korea already has Jesus, they don't need missionaries.
But-
South Korea is leading the world in suicides.
It is also leading a plastic surgery with the most procedures per capita (one in five women).
And if that isn't enough, surely reading this article about the Sex industry will make you just a little bit upset or in my case down right depressed. To top it all off Alcoholism is also very prevalent. Here we have a nation that is obsessed with its outward appearance but ignores their inner being.
This year has been especially eye opening for me- and down right depressing. Every article I read (click on links above) makes me more and more sad for this nation. North Korea has its problems, but South Korea has plenty of problems too. They just hide them a little better. But I see through you Korea! I see the hurt and pain and disproval. The longing for something more.
Where does all of this leave me? I'm not sure. I know that I need to work on my own heart and failings too. But, with that being said, I also would like to be a little more intentional with my life here in South Korea. People need Jesus. Period. I will be a missionary. I am a missionary?
